May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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