Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
They are going to name an STD after you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
