I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
