I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
