She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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