she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
