I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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