i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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