why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
