saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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