More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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