I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
