listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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