don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
