I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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