is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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