you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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