New invention idea: vibrating tampons
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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