He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
