New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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