Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
