A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
