There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
