ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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