I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
