I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
