I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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