the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
