Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
