That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
