Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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