I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
