My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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