then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
