If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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