i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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