I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
