Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
