Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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