My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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