is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just gift wrapped bread.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
