i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
