he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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