I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
