Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
