im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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