worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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