Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
