I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
