I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
In America we eat man semen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
