Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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