just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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