Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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