Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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