he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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