omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
