Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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