Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
