so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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