Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
