Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
