She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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