it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
