Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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