I bet he comes in French.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
