who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
