We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
