i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
