I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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