and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
